His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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