so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
