U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
