im drinking this country out of the recession.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
