We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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