yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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