i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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