As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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