my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
