i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Let's paint friendship bongs
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
