ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
