So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
