I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He better not be in your backpack
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
