so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
