They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
