He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
