I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
