dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
