You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
