Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
