did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Life is so much better after having sex.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It's official drugs can't kill me
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
