just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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