I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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