hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
