If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
