What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
