shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
