its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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