Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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