It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I checked into jail on foursquare
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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