yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
