I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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