I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Is it penis luge time yet?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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