I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize