Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
