yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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