just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
