I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
