when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
