Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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