i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
