Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
