Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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