In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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