Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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