A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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