I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
