I'm gonna have a badass scar
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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