I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
