they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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