just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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