i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
