whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
This is the high leading the old right now
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
