so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize