i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
