Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
