what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
my poor anus
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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