I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
