so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize