i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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