i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize