thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
