Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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