She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
