I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
