Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
