Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize