Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
NoShamevember. You game?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
