Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize