Nicole vs. Life
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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