Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
