Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
