how can u be prego again
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
