bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
