Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
