He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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