just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
His hands were made for my vagina.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
